What is wrong with male and female friendship?

Till now people may have only doubted the existence of platonic friendship between members of opposite gender but they now have a reason. If recent scientific studies are to be believed then this sort of friendship is just nominal and actually doesn’t exist. These studies have clearly suggested the existence of affinity between the male and female friends. This lays the platform for miserable affairs. The attraction becomes a major source of displeasure within the current love affairs and leads to breakups.

What causes the problem?

The biggest reason is the human instinct. Man still lives by mating instincts whereas the plain (read non-physical and non-sexual) friendship concept is new-fangled into man’s behavior. Man has adopted it at the social front but the fundamental instinct remains still intact.

This is exactly what I had been asking my friend, Daniel, for long now. I always had the apprehension on his relationship with Sylvester, a girl who had become an integral part of our friend circle since college days. I still remember the days when Daniel was madly in love with Jenifer, the supposedly prettiest girl in our college then. They both could be seen lost into each other till they eventually separated and parted on a bad note.

There is a definite reason why I am narrating the story. The recent scientific studies, which I had an accidental look at, refreshed my memory about what had happened to the wonderful person in my story. He was trapped between the love and friendship. He couldn’t handle it and failed at both. These studies answered what I used to often ask Daniel about his and Sylvester’s relationship.

The short story

It was the millennium change for the world; to me it was the change of life. Like a caterpillar larvae which undergoes metamorphosis to transform into an adult, I was feeling the same. It obviously is a great feeling to join a good college. It provides the platform to chase your dreams, besides you live the best part of life there.

On the very second day in the college I met Daniel, a tall and handsome guy with some sort of seriousness on face. Within a few days we became good friends. We would discuss on various things though girls would be the hot topic every day. These were the initial days in the college so interacting with a number of students is obvious.

There are certain things you love to do and become a norm with the passage of time. One such habit, that me and Daniel had unknowingly developed by then, was to shed some sweat in the basketball court. While he would often score over me because of his tall stature, I could see him missing attempts quite frequently. Anyone would be normally happy to be winning but my investigative nature drove me to find the reason. I could see his eyes making rotations and revolutions to see in a particular direction.

Tracing his eyes I could see the pretty girl, clad in red running round the park—girls these days are so conscious about their body shape. Using my index figure to activate the special neurons on my mind, I did remember she was Jenifer; I had seen her in the bookstore, a couple of days before. I was about to scream I know her when I couldn’t trace Daniel around. For some time I couldn’t find the tall guy around. (He had already left to talk to the red clad woman)

I sometimes wonder is there anything what people call as love at first sight. To my despair it proved to be; Daniel and Jenifer staring dating each and in no time, they were into a relationship. It was well defined—a love affair or romance, as they call it. After that they could be seen together most of the time, often lost in each other.

A year has passed, there were quite a number of good friends and Daniel was always there. We had stopped the all important basket ball but would still manage to get time and discuss things. With New Year on, the new batch of students was to make the way into college, including the “just friend” of Daniel who actually changed the complexion of his life.

Yes I am talking of the Sylvester who in no time became a very important member of our “gang”. She developed strong bonding with Romeo-Juliet pair of our college and could be often traced with them. All was well till then but within few months, Sylvester could be seen more often with Daniel. I did sense something wrong as the vivid analyst in me would often hint the trouble in advance.

Apprehensions on male-female friendship rode on my mind even then and I did ask Daniel about it. He plainly dubbed it as “simple friendship”. Though I couldn’t buy his statement but wouldn’t have been able to make him understand anyway. I did manage to tell to him to reconsider and if he was feeling some drop in the love for Jenifer. It was only when he broke up with Jennifer he could realize it. The worse thing was still to come; Sylvester, whom Daniel though was her love, was friends with Mike. She was not sure about Daniel and the chain went on.

I don’t mean to say that the people who have friends among opposite gender are not faithful to their love partners. However, the concern is people crossing the limits, being friends and they realize only after developing the intimacy which as such is not acceptable to the current romance partner.

Men depend largely on the searching ability of the fairer sex to find things for them. Women can pat their backs for everyday fixing their husbands in getting ready. May be this is one major reason why they say ‘behind every successful man there is a woman’. I would like to cite it as ‘behind every successful man there is a woman searching things for him’. This is true and you will get to know in the following paragraphs some striking facts to support this view. What possibly could be the reason behind it? There is actually a list of reasons according to psychologists.

We are following our ancestors

Psychologists say that it depends on the evolutionary history of humans. Humans have a tendency to inherit some characteristics from their ancestors. No, I am not talking about monkeys here! Well they do but my topic concerns the characteristics inherited from their human ancestors. In early days when humans used to live in forests, they had their tasks assigned according to their sex. While men being physically tougher were supposed to hunt and bring something for dinner, the main task of females was to collect fruits, nuts and other eatables. It is really hard to locate and collect wild fruits in dense forests. This is where women got their special skill of finding things. Even in earlier days farming men used to cut the harvest and women would collect it after them.

Different battle grounds

It is the work place that makes them more acquainted to things. The early man used to roam in jungles to hunt and do farming in later ages. On the other hand women were supposed to be home and take care of the children and prepare food for the family. So apparently females spent more time at home than males, making them well acquainted with every nook and corner of the house.

This has been confirmed with tests. In a test psychologists made two separate groups of males and females. They were made to sit in a room for some time where none of them had been before. They were asked some questions separately when they came out. The questions were related to objects which were present in the room. In a striking finding most males were not able to recall what articles were there in the room. On the other hand almost every female was able to recall everything in minute details. Now, most people would say that today’s women spend almost the same time at home as men do. I agree but the topic of their discussions, due to their upbringing and expected behavior concern more of house life then outer world. Even today curtains, flowerpots and antiques appeal more to them than to guys.

Stronger sex

According to biological evidences it has been female who selects to mate with a particular male. Males on the other hand have always been ‘not so choosy’ in search for their partners. It is very interesting to note that all the male honey bees have to compete with each other to have sex with the only female in the hive. Most of the male bees die in their bid to copulate with the female bee. Poor males, they still are not choosy and skilled enough in finding things. It is also seen in dogs and in many other animals.

It is always a female that finds and chooses a male to mate with. This has somewhere deeply engraved in the fairer sex to find and select while males contend them with whatever comes in their way. There is famous thing about a girl getting married in western countries. Many writers have written about the phenomenon of every girl having a change of heart. Every girl on the wedding day thinks whether her choice of life partner was good or not. So the find, choose and select action has always been more important for female than males.

Medium of showing affection

Both sexes have their own way to show affection. Right from old ages men want their wives to take care of them while getting ready as a token of affection. Even old age kings and warriors used to take the help of their wives to get ready before going out for war. According to psychologists men love to be taken care of by women and women from ages have been showing their love by helping their husbands get ready. You must have never thought it this way, but believe me humans show their affection in different and many times not so visible ways. Do you expect your wife to find stuff for you when you had a fight the last night? Even if she does, you must have not seen that love and affection in her eyes.

Psychology changes the way we look at the world around us. It was yesterday that I read this article in a psychology book and have started to look things from a new angle. Psychologists suggest that there is a reason behind every expression you or the people make. It is upon your mental ability that how successful you are in finding hidden meanings behind every small gesture. So never forget to thank your wife when she searches your tie for you. This actually is a token of love and deliverance of duty in a way our ancestors have taught us.

Whether long distance relations work or not? or Is a long distance, agony or ecstasy? The answer to these questions depends on the people facing it. You are separatedonly by distance and not in your relations. Things will surely work out if you will like them to. Though you won’t feel like letting your special one go to a distant place but it is a reality that you have to face at any cost.

Here are few suggestions that will save you from turning your relationship from being an agony.

• Always stay in touch through phone, voice mail, skype or any other medium you may think of.

• There might be times when you will feel inclined to think that your partner has shifted interest from you. But have faith on your endless love for each other and steer clear this disbelief.

• Although it is not easy yet be patient. Engage in doing some different kind of work. Do something that interests you. This would save negative thoughts entering your mind.

• Say those encouraging words. Whenever you have a conversation and feel like that your partner is sounding low, take charge and encourage him to aim at things he isgood at.

Focus on positive aspects and remaining patient is what makes your long distance relationship work. It will be more of ecstasy than agony. The following lines say itall- “Love is missing someone whenever you’re apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you’re close in heart.”

The opportunity to learn new things is helpful for people because they can change their viewpoint based on the perception they have of themselves. When people are willing to change themselves they usually will attract new opportunities to themselves. Attracting a new opportunity to oneself is beneficial for many reasons.

People who think they have to be perfect often struggle with anxiety disorders. Becoming obsessed with perfection is often detrimental to the physical health of a person who is dealing with perfection related issues. Individuals who are not willing to seek help for these issues often become depressed because they are placing a realistic expectations on other people while being unrealistic with themselves.

Individuals need to consider the long-term traditions of putting unnecessary pressure on themselves. When people pressure themselves too much they often will not be happy with the quality of life they are living.

People who think they have to be perfect often struggle with depression because they cannot reach their own expectations of themselves. Individuals who are willing to admit they have problems in this area can get help from professionals who understand how to change their personal perception of the world around them.

If a person does not feel comfortable in social situations they will miss out on many friendships. Missing on pensions can be determined through to the social development of an individual. People who are not socially developed properly often struggle to get into social situations.

Individuals who struggle to get into social situations often feel rejected by the rest of the world around them. People who deal with issues related to rejection usually do not seek help for their emotional issues. Individuals who have trouble with emotional issues often try to hide them from the rest of the world.

If someone does not feel good about themselves is hard for them to reach their professional potential. Social interaction is a major part of success in the workforce. When people do not feel they can control how they interact with other people they often will become socially withdrawn.

People who struggle with social anxiety disorders often feel as though there is no help for them. When a person is constantly concerned about what other people think of them it is very likely for them to become paranoid. People who struggle with paranoia often become upset when they don’t find a solution to their issues.

There are many negative consequences to being shy. The good news is that people can address these issues in many ways so they can have a meaningful relationship with others. Resolution to social phobia takes a lot of work but is worth it for most people.

When a person has a lot of friends it is easier for them to ask for help in an emergency situation. When individuals have a lot of places they can go to receive assistance they are less likely to experience negative consequences from unnecessary stress.

When someone is honest it is usually easier for them to find steady work. The majority of employers want to employ individuals who are trustworthy. Having a trustworthy employee is helpful for individuals who want to make sure that there aren’t people in the company who are taking care of customers properly.

When individuals deal with customers and are honest about their options, people are more likely to listen to the advice that an individual  provides. When individuals know they can ask for advice they usually are happier because they do not have to make decisions completely on their own.

It is not only easy to be honest in every situation. Sometimes people need to think about long-term consequences of dishonesty before becoming involved in a situation. It can be difficult for people to change their behavior if they are used to being dishonest. Sometimes, people should think about how they want to be treated before starting a conversation.

It is important for people to think about how much they can handle when they are asked to do something. Any kind people agree to do something simply because they do not want to say no. Having no ability to say no to a person can lead to emotional burnout.

If a person is emotionally burnt out they will have difficulty completing their daily tasks. Individuals who cannot complete their daily task will fall behind on their bills and other daily obligations. When a person falls behind on their build it will be harder for them to maintain good credit.

Individuals need to think about the long range consequences of over extending themselves emotionally. Sometimes, saying no is painful because individuals do not realize the consequences of their actions until they have already taken on too much responsibility.

If a person does not take care of themselves physically various health problems can develop. When people are not thinking about their physical health they often will do too much just to receive emotional approval. Many individuals do not realize that they are seeking approval because they are not pleased with themselves for any number of reasons.

Sometimes, people need to learn how to set boundaries simply by having conversations with other people who have burned themselves out. Sometimes speaking with someone who can testify to the emotional difficulty of being burnt out is enough to get someone to change their behavior. Finding personal balance can be challenging for people to do.

Individuals often start self-sacrificing because they do not realize their own personal self value. When a person is unclear about their own value the usually will not get into positive relationships. When a person is in the middle of a negative relationship it is hard for them to stop long enough to think clearly about the decisions they are making.

People who are constantly struggling with their emotions often do not have the ability to make good choices. Many times people have difficulty learning how to choose friends that are emotionally supportive.

When people do not have emotional support they often will sacrifice themselves to get the type of support they need to have. When individuals do not clearly understand how to change their behavior they often need to go to counseling in order to find a better way of coping with life.

Individuals who are involved in counseling often learn a lot about coping skills. When someone understands how to cultivate a meaningful relationship that will better be able to choose friends who mean them well emotionally. Having a support group is also helpful for individuals who do not realize that what they are doing is detrimental to their emotional health.

People often make changes based on a desire for things to be different in their own life. When individuals realize they have enough power to change things for the better they start to make decisions which are healthy for themselves.

When people put conditions on loving another person they are actually judging them. The ability to be completely nonjudgmental is something that people have to work at in order to achieve. When people are completely nonjudgmental they are able to change their energetic vibration to a more positive outlook on life.

When people are positively usually are able to see positive outcomes to negative situations. Having a positive mindset is essential for creating positive change in the world. Unfortunately, many individuals do not realize the power of their thoughts.

Thinking positively can cause a person to take action which will change the world to be a better place. When people understand the power of their thoughts they can create positive change for the rest of the world. The ability to change things in a positive fashion is something that every person should look for the opportunity to do.

Changing public perception is something that people must be serious about doing if they are trying to improve the quality of their life. Doing so is not something that will happen overnight and people need to be patient while changes take effect.

Being positive can be challenging for individuals who are always facing life challenges. When people are positive they usually will be able to make changes which will benefit a large group of people in a short span of time. Making a decision to be a support system for someone is the greatest thing a person can do